a couple of days ago i was thumbing through my angieinpink-archives trying to find a missing photo for a project i was working on.
i re-visited this post.
and this post.
and this post.
and this post.
and this post.
[among others.]
it was kinda tender to look back & remember my days.
they were [really] really happy & fulfilled ones.
{and still are.}
but something physical also struck me as i was revisting [a few] of those web-blogs.
in addition to all the warm & fuzzies of just genuinely loving my sweet little family,
my shoulders became kinda/out-of-control tense.
[read: angie being stressed out = painfully tense shoulders.]
i remembered how seriously stressed out i was on those particular days/months.
so many things on my plate; so little time.
too many people to please; too many self-induced “obligations.”
not enough hours in the day =’ed no sleep for me.
trying my very darndest to stay motivated, faithful & on task.
feeling like i [always] fell short.
i put [way] too much pressure on myself to be “perfect,” or whatever.
***
and now, many months & mini-breakdowns later, i have made a really happy realization:
while [i fully recognize] i am still one of the most off-the-charts high-strung individuals in
i {believe} i am making a little progress.
i think i’m learning little-by-little:
to let go.
and sometimes that means my child’s hair & breakfast options look like this:
and sometimes that means my toes are slightly/embarrassingly white trash:
and sometimes that means my house isn’t on craigslist yet, because we are [still] painting our guts out:
and sometimes that means i’m a week late with important work duties/deadlines despite my VERY best intentions:
and sometimes that means my poor gmail-inbox/friends/family getting ignored:
and sometimes that means i take a “personal day” every-so-oft & play with my girlfriends chloe & DVR all day long:
and sometimes that means being a day [or days] late & a dollar short, even though i [really really really] didn’t want to be:
and lottsa times it just means i hafta cry a little, throw it up to the lord & hope he’ll make it right.
***
i guess i’m just discovering day-by-day [and am still hard-core learning] that having an enriched life doesn’t necessarily mean having full-n-amazing journaled scrapbooks, absolutely-no dirty laundry, an updated blog, saying yes to every job-opportunity, going to eighteen different targets to make sure you have the best matchy-option, creating every project idea that i see & admire, preparing 5 course menus & meals for my peeps daily [pwa-hahahaha], doing what “i think” will please every stinkin’ person ever invented, [etc, etc, etc.]
i think we all hafta kinda find a balance that is comfortable & do-able for our own capabilities, bodies, circumstances, families & nerve-capacities. [and mine’s nothin’ close to the things mentioned in the latter paragraph….no matter how hard i try.]
***
do i still want a semi-clean house at all times?
yes.
do i desperately strive to magnify my calling as wife & mother?
uh-huh.
do i really wish i was less of a flake?
absolutely.
and lets get real: do i need to slap some frappin’ paint on my toenails?
for the love: most definitely.
but i am perpetually learning [and it’s going to be a long process] that all the extra-curricular crap doesn’t really matter.
***
my BEST days are the days that look like this:
and this:
and this:
and this:
and this:
and this:
and this:
and this:
life is short.
[and sore shoulders are highly overrated.]
