today i made a comment in church & almost immediately regretted it. because: what comes out of my mouth [a lot of the time] isn't nearly as articulate, thoughtful, or applicable as i had in my mind. it's rarely what i meant to say...what i tried to say. and that embarrasses me.
happens a lot in my life. i pay a compliment, write a blog, send some random person a message, write an email, explain a situation....and then i immediately second guess myself.
i know my intentions....but do they?
while i know i can not control how other people perceive things, i wish i could sometimes.
i try in a serious way, to [not] care what other people think because i've learned that it's hardcore destructive to my spirit to spend time stressed about things i can't control.
not everyone is going to agree with me. not everyone is going to like me or enjoy my company/personality-and i'm learning to be okay with that.
i just hope that people can feel/know my intentions because my words don't always represent the deepest feelings of my heart.
i try to be a good person, but i have so many natural flaws.
i am confident in my beliefs & my values, but insecure in my ability to express them.
i acknowledge the hand of god in everything in my life & truly desire to be humble about my blessings.
i seek to uplift not to offend, but a lot of the time i'm uncertain if i accomplish that?
writing this brings me clarity:
all i can do is be me.
do what i think is best in a certain situation and if it wasn't the best...forgive myself, forget & try again.
it'll probably take me a lifetime to develop confidence that can withstand this particular insecurity of mine.
and that's okay.