1.23.2011

intentions



today i made a comment in church & almost immediately regretted it. because: what comes out of my mouth [a lot of the time] isn't nearly as articulate, thoughtful, or applicable as i had in my mind. it's rarely what i meant to say...what i tried to say. and that embarrasses me.

happens a lot in my life. i pay a compliment, write a blog, send some random person a message, write an email, explain a situation....and then i immediately second guess myself.

i know my intentions....but do they?

while i know i can not control how other people perceive things, i wish i could sometimes.

i try in a serious way, to [not] care what other people think because i've learned that it's hardcore destructive to my spirit to spend time stressed about things i can't control.

not everyone is going to agree with me. not everyone is going to like me or enjoy my company/personality-and i'm learning to be okay with that.

i just hope that people can feel/know my intentions because my words don't always represent the deepest feelings of my heart.

i try to be a good person, but i have so many natural flaws.
i am confident in my beliefs & my values, but insecure in my ability to express them.

i acknowledge the hand of god in everything in my life & truly desire to be humble about my blessings.
i seek to uplift not to offend, but a lot of the time i'm uncertain if i accomplish that?

writing this brings me clarity:
all i can do is be me.
do what i think is best in a certain situation and if it wasn't the best...forgive myself, forget & try again.

it'll probably take me a lifetime to develop confidence that can withstand this particular insecurity of mine.

and that's okay.

11 comments:

Brittany Marie Trevino said...

ok ang, so this is SPOT-ON! as to what i am currently/have been dealing with in my own life as well!

I seriously *know EXACTLY how you feel because sometime i say things that don't come out the way i mean (in a nice way of course)..so wow, thanks for posting! you are right, and we will be ok, because usually, in my experience i later learn that all that worry i was doing was for no good reason lol.

The Wizzle said...

Angie, everyone who knows you knows that your intentions are ALWAYS good. <3 You hold your head up! We love you!

onehm said...

EXACT same thing happened to me yesterday!! It's nice to know I'm not the only one who sticks her foot in her mouth regularly...

runningfan said...

You're amazing, and I love you. Keep on keepin' on!

rachbechep said...

ah! i love you! and...i think you just wrote exactly what i've been trying to write in an unpublished blog that's been in my drafts folder for months. so, thank you. and...keep being positive! :)

rachbechep said...

ah! i love you! and...i think you just wrote exactly what i've been trying to write in an unpublished blog that's been in my drafts folder for months. so, thank you. and...keep being positive! :)

granny said...

Don't give it another thought. I'm sure no one else is. You always mean well and I think people know it. You spread a lot of joy. Remember that.

Lisa said...

I am the worst at this, so I hear you. I am forever making akward comments that I mean to come out differently than they do! Just don't ask anyone if they are preggers or when they are due....that's the worst :-)

heather said...

"What comes from the heart, goes to the heart."

scrapmom4 said...

You can give yourself more credit. You're wonderful and well-intentioned and humble and you are loved and understood more than you realize!

Durfee Family said...

I can't really imagine you not being able to express yourself! You do SUCH a good job and everything I read is inspiring and uplifting. I think anyone who knows you knows your heart! You are a good person. Keep on being you!