11.06.2008

learning from the past


a couple of days ago i was thumbing through my angieinpink-archives trying to find a missing photo for a project i was working on.


i re-visited this post.

and this post.

and this post.

and this post.

and this post.

[among others.]


it was kinda tender to look back & remember my days.

they were [really] really happy & fulfilled ones.

{and still are.}


but something physical also struck me as i was revisting [a few] of those web-blogs.

in addition to all the warm & fuzzies of just genuinely loving my sweet little family,

my shoulders became kinda/out-of-control tense.

[read: angie being stressed out = painfully tense shoulders.]


i remembered how seriously stressed out i was on those particular days/months.

so many things on my plate; so little time.

too many people to please; too many self-induced “obligations.”

not enough hours in the day =’ed no sleep for me.

trying my very darndest to stay motivated, faithful & on task.

feeling like i [always] fell short.

i put [way] too much pressure on myself to be “perfect,” or whatever.


***

and now, many months & mini-breakdowns later, i have made a really happy realization:


while [i fully recognize] i am still one of the most off-the-charts high-strung individuals in north america


i {believe} i am making a little progress.


i think i’m learning little-by-little:

to let go.


and sometimes that means my child’s hair & breakfast options look like this:



and sometimes that means my toes are slightly/embarrassingly white trash:


and sometimes that means my house isn’t on craigslist yet, because we are [still] painting our guts out:



and sometimes that means i’m a week late with important work duties/deadlines despite my VERY best intentions:


and sometimes that means my poor gmail-inbox/friends/family getting ignored:


and sometimes that means i take a “personal day” every-so-oft & play with my girlfriends chloe & DVR all day long:



and sometimes that means being a day [or days] late & a dollar short, even though i [really really really] didn’t want to be:



and lottsa times it just means i hafta cry a little, throw it up to the lord & hope he’ll make it right.


***


i guess i’m just discovering day-by-day [and am still hard-core learning] that having an enriched life doesn’t necessarily mean having full-n-amazing journaled scrapbooks, absolutely-no dirty laundry, an updated blog, saying yes to every job-opportunity, going to eighteen different targets to make sure you have the best matchy-option, creating every project idea that i see & admire, preparing 5 course menus & meals for my peeps daily [pwa-hahahaha], doing what “i think” will please every stinkin’ person ever invented, [etc, etc, etc.]


i think we all hafta kinda find a balance that is comfortable & do-able for our own capabilities, bodies, circumstances, families & nerve-capacities. [and mine’s nothin’ close to the things mentioned in the latter paragraph….no matter how hard i try.]


***

do i still want a semi-clean house at all times?

yes.

do i desperately strive to magnify my calling as wife & mother?

uh-huh.

do i really wish i was less of a flake?

absolutely.

and lets get real: do i need to slap some frappin’ paint on my toenails?

for the love: most definitely.


but i am perpetually learning [and it’s going to be a long process] that all the extra-curricular crap doesn’t really matter.


***

my BEST days are the days that look like this:


and this:



and this:



and this:



and this:


and this:


and this:


and this:




life is short.

[and sore shoulders are highly overrated.]


17 comments:

Laura Blue said...

it's amazing what you can learn from looking back at your past. it's such a great relief sometimes. i'm glad you are still human and willing to admit it. i think most of us feel the same way as you, just don't show it. sleep in, play with chloe, and take it easy. you're doing great!

Brandis said...

That totally made me feel better about the condition that my house is in right now so thanks a million for that! I've had moments of realization like what you're talking about, and they always leave me thinking to myself that this is what it feels like to be a grown-up.

Marie said...

Thank you for making me feel better about the fact that I hadn't painted my toenails in 6+ weeks (they were nasty, and I knew the date becasue they were pre-Julie:), that my house is a wreck, and that pretty much every time I've gone to Grandma's house lately, she does Grace's hair. That, and so many other things. I love you!

cori said...

loved the "and this. and this. and this."

and you.

and you.

and you.

pretty much made my day.

cori said...

you are an hour ahead now?

oh, i will have to remember that.

Susan said...

dear sweet angie that I keep track of in hopefully not a creepy sort of way...

people are always saying how amazing you are and it just occured to me that-that must be a lot of pressure to keep up (or at least keep the up the appearance of amazingness) but just know when you creat great projects, hair dos, and truthfully witty blogs...its really just YOU we happen to think is amazing-the "stuff" is just a biproduct.

A few weeks ago our bishop read a letter to us from our Stake Presidency...here's the jist:

we beg you to remember you have been asked to do 3 thingss
-be faithfull
-"lay up in store"
-and unencumber you lives

I thought to myself..."now there's a to-do list I can live with."

GarciaGracias said...

I love those philosophical moments that give us perspective. Good luck with the house stuff!

mademoisellechitchat said...

Absolutely WONDERFUL post!

Now, WHERE did you get that purse? Who makes it? I WANT IT!

An admitted purse harlot. . .

Lauren and Jason said...

Anige, Thanks for writing this beautiful blog. I've always felt that I was the only one that puts too much stress on myself so I'm glad to see that I'm not alone. You are amazing. I totally feel how you feel and am trying my darndest each day to just deal and realize that somethings just have to be left. BTW I was looking through all my photos today and came across your wedding announcement pic. I have always thought that was such a great pic of you two. So cute! And I love your hair in that pic, too.

Jenn said...

Great post! I will need to read it over and over because I think my shoulders will be sore for the next almost 2 years because of stress. Uhmm... like tonight? I am a bit overwhelmed. Oh I miss you!

heather said...

You are so great. I love this post and I just might post a picture of my toe-nails. I haven't painted them since the first week of August. Uh-huh. My solution to this is simply wearing closed toed shoes. Wha-la! No one knows. :)

Kaytie Brown said...

I miss you. Meet me at the fence??

cammac said...

Okay, #1- I love daddy/daughter relationships. #2, you are so cute. (How are you feeling with the pregnancy BTW?) Not so cute toes = excuse to wear CUTE closed toed shoes. #3- I love morning hair! Love, Cam

Miss Pickle said...

you are so "right-on-the-money" angie! you sound like you really do have your priorities in the right places!!!!

scrapmom4 said...

Yeah seriously, you should write a book. With no capital letters and enlarged words and brackets galore, because the words you write are so from the heart it's amazing. I'd buy one.
Les.

Coree Adams said...

All I have to say is...AT LEAST YOUR TOES HAVE PAINT ON THEM...even if it is chipping. I haven't had paint on my toes for MONTHS! So sad. Anyway, I love ya Ang. If your shoulders every feel too heavy, just call me and I'll lift them for ya...you have done that for me numerous times. HUGS TO THE SISTAS!!

Ashley said...

Ohhh, so many cute pictures! I love your posts!