daydream believer

i've always been one,
a daydream believer.

i recall writing essays in high school
about my plans for the future
angie dixon...

3 prong-5 paragraph accounts of my future ideals.

{in retrospect,
btw, they = rather entertaining.}

i would make forever-long lists of qualities i wanted in a husband,
i'd assigned to my future offspring,
and hues
i'd paint the walls of my 4 bedroom single-family-dwelling.

i planned exactly how many kids i wanted,
& how far apart...

i knew what car i wanted to drive
& how i wished my home to be decorated.

i had every corner of the rest of my life
hoped for & scheduled.

i believed that if i worked hard & made good choices,
it'd all come true....my wishes would be granted.

*ten years later.

i have a man that i adore with all my ♥ and soul.
& the feeling is mutual.
i have 2 babies that are all kinds of amazing.
i have faith in god.

and with those three things:
i mean, i have it all, really.

not everything went according to plan.

there's been setbacks & disappointments.
there's been unexpected turns & twists.
there's been
stressors & still are.
everyone's got 'em, right?

i don't have a white picket fence
or lots of money in the bank.

i'm still a daydream believer.

i'm just learning something in the process:

sometimes letting go of ideals
is the best thing i can do for myself.

sometimes just believing works better.

my mind & heart are better spent
just hoping that god will lead me
to the people, experiences & opportunities
that will stretch my capacity to love.

i'm starting to really notice that the things i struggle with most
and are seemingly the hardest things for me to endure,
...the biggest inner battles i face on a daily basis...
teach me more about how to love.

and love brings perspective
to my daydreams.

'cause i know that love
is something i can really believe in.


Bev said...

OHHHHHHHH.....I wanna be inside your head cuz it must be all kinds of fun!! You are, hands down, the most creative, darling, fun, adorable girlie I've ever seen. Love this....took me straight back to high school!!!

runningfan said...

My wise friend Melanie has a wise friend Sherry who says "everything should end in love." I think you are my wise friend Angie! :)

granny said...

Love you Angie.

Britney {Jesses Girl} said...

Angie...this is awesome.

the high school version of you sounds just like me. i think i have most of those same lists lying around somewhere...

and i'm still a planner. but i love this lesson you shared. it's so wonderful.

all you need is love. :)

Sassy said...

Seriously.............you put into words things that just float around in my head and you say it cute...do it up cute.....ARE CUTE! I had dream lists and goals.....alot of them were shot to ****....but for the most part being a wife and mother was at the top of that list ALWAYS and I am totally grateful that I am both.....and if I wasn't.....nothing else would matter!!!!!

Unknown said...

This is absolutely precious, one of your very best posts and that is saying alot my dear friend.

Book mark this one because I believe that you need to share this one as often as you can.

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.

Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.”
-Gilda Radner, actress and comedian (1946-1989)

♥ Vicki

rachbechep said...

YOU my friend...are awesome. teach me your ways. :)

Jenn said...

I pretty much want to copy this entire post to my blog because it is so true! I really love your perspective on life and truly admire you! xoxox